And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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