They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
