Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
