woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
