wat bout pragnant strippers??
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
