Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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