you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
