We won't sleep together?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize