i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
ttyl tear gas
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
