whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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