Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
