I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
