you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
