Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
