Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
