mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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