we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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