We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize