we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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