I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
