Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
