Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize