Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize