thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize