New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
