We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
