its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
