Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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