i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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