I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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