She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
