I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize