dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
