Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
