I hope mine doesn't look like that
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
