I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
