Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
