I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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