he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Randomize
