I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
