Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
