I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
