the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
