just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I smell like Dick and happiness
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
