trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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