Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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