I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
