i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
