i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
