I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
