ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
