you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
