You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
