I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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