You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
