What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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