pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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