This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
