You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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