I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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