does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
