Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
