i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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