i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
