covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
