She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
