she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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