I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
