somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
